ansketil: (Coruscant)
[personal profile] ansketil
Title: Dark Liaisons II
Disclaimer: I do not own Les Liaisons Dangereuses or Star Wars.
Characters: Count Dooku, Palpatine, Padmé Amidala, Anakin Skywalker, and Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Master Kenobi reports his progress and Anakin expresses his love.
Author's Note: I was rereading Les Liaisons Dangereuses and Labyrinth of Evil and the two sort of... collided. In case people haven't realised, this is definitely an AU story. Things unfold slightly differently than in Attack of the Clones.
Previous Chapter(s):
Dark Liaisons I

Obi-Wan Kenobi to Master Yoda –

I have great hope that both I and Master Dooku will soon be returning to Coruscant. In any event, I am in a position to put to rest your concerns that the Dark Side might have been the cause of Dooku’s departure. I assure you, his motives are entirely moral.

The Count, as he insists I call him, has been very courteous to me. Before now, I only knew him by reputation, but to my mind he seems to be even worthier than is commonly thought and reminds me a great deal of Master Jinn. He has a great capacity for serious conversation, and his philosophies – though different to our own – contain lessons I think all Jedi would benefit from hearing, especially since they were the cause of the rift between Dooku and the Temple. I am doing my best to convince him of this.

The essential thing which prevents Dooku’s return is his pride. He has all but confessed his regret, and I believe he is lonely, living by himself on this distant estate. I am doing my best to persuade him that the Jedi Order would welcome him back with open arms, if he would only ask.

May the Force be with you.

Anakin Skywalker to Chancellor Palpatine –

Your Excellency, I’m afraid I am unable to accept the honour of joining you at the opera. My Master is away on a mission, and I cannot accept your invitation without his permission. I confess I am sorrier not to be spending time with you than I am at missing the performance! I know you must hear such things all the time, but I beg you to believe me.

Would you be kind enough to pass on my congratulations to Senator Amidala? I heard she was recently nominated Senator of Naboo. I’m sure no one could make a better senator than Padmé! Except you, of course, sir.

I have the honour to be, etc.

Chancellor Palpatine to Anakin Skywalker –

I was very sorry to hear, my dear boy, that Master Kenobi has abandoned you to his duties and that we are all to be deprived of the pleasure of his company. I do hope his mission is not too dangerous and that he returns soon. But this is no reason why you and I should be denied the consolation of seeing one another in his absence. I have spoken with Master Yoda myself and that singularly wise Jedi Master has agreed to allow you to serve as my escort to the opera tomorrow night.

As to Senator Amidala, why don’t you congratulate her yourself? I have invited her to attend the performance along with us. She is still settling into her new duties and I believe she needs her good friends about her on Coruscant. No one is more keenly aware than I of the perils which can befall a new senator. There are unscrupulous persons who would be only too delighted to take advantage of her. It would be a great comfort to me if my two favourite young people became friends.

Anakin Skywalker to Padmé Naberrie –

Before giving in to the pleasure – the necessity – of writing to you, my lady, first I beg you to hear me out. I must have your kind indulgence if I am to declare my feelings for you. If I only wished to justify them, I should not need that indulgence. For who could fail to be be moved by your angelic presence? And what can I say, except what my looks, discomfiture, actions, and even my silence have already told you? But why should you be vexed by a feeling you yourself have inspired? Coming from you, it must be worthy of being given back to you. If it burns, like my soul, then it is pure like yours.

Is it a crime to admire your charming face, your enchanting talent and your captivating grace which renders those other qualities entirely irresistible and precious beyond price? I refuse to accept that such a thing could be wrong, no matter what my Master says. It is not guilt, but unhappiness which plagues me, crueller than the desert sands of my homeworld* – and that shall be my fate if you refuse to accept my homage, the first my heart has offered. Peace has fled from me and my happiness hangs in the balance. Oh, say the word and my happiness will be your doing! You are the mistress of my fate!

I shall end as I began, by imploring your indulgence. I have asked you to hear me out. I shall go further; I shall beg you to answer me! I shall have to believe you are offended, and my heart is the guarantee that my respect for you is as strong as my love.

P.S. You may trust the Chancellor with your reply. I have taken him entirely into my confidence, and it is my wish for you to do the same.

Chancellor Palpatine to Count Dooku –

Are you sulking, Count? Or dead? Or are you living entirely for young Kenobi, which comes to very much the same thing? You cannot possibly call what you are doing art, when your last letter to me was the very picture of artlessness. Obviously, you have made no progress, otherwise you would have already crowed of your successes. You say this Jedi has given you back the charming illusions of your youth: there you are, in a state of timid servitude already. You might as well be in love.

You remind me of two charming friends of mine who have recently found one another. I believe you know Anakin Skywalker, Kenobi’s apprentice? Well, he has fallen quite desperately in love with Senator Amidala. I invited the two of them to the opera – along with several of my aides to make the affair quite respectable – and the performance which unfolded before my eyes was quite extraordinary. Seldom have I seen a pursuit so obvious, its object so clear. One can scarcely credit young Skywalker as a Jedi at all – there was nothing left in reserve.

The good senator, understandably, declined my offer of dinner and fled the scene. Over the course of the meal Anakin talked only of Amidala. I amused myself by exciting him with the prospect of seeing her the next day. I made him say no end of silly things, but ended by offering myself as the messenger under whose benevolent auspices this raw love might flourish. We composed the most torrid love-note together and I concealed it about my person and promised Skywalker that I would deliver it to Amidala (her reaction will be reward enough). And if I have been rather wicked, you must own that fools were created for our amusement.

After I returned the young man to the Jedi Temple (it was considerably past his bed-time) I took pains to make Master Yoda aware of the display I had witnessed that the opera. The green fool was most grateful for my good-natured concern and I ended by persuading him not to compromise me in the eyes of the young padawan, which he agreed to all the more willingly when I made him see how useful it would be if the child trusted me enough to be completely frank with me, for it would put me in a position to be the beneficiary of his confidences. I am like a deity, receiving the opposing wishes of blind mortals and not altering my decrees one whit. And yet, I have set aside this august role to take on that of comforting angel, assisting my friends in their afflictions.

I have even assisted you with your beloved Kenobi. For I feel sure Master Yoda will inform Kenobi of his pupil’s wayward thoughts. Obi-Wan will be in need of comfort as to his success as a master with such a wild student. You shall put his insecurities to rest, I am sure. And you accuse me of jealousy! Am I not generous with those I favour? Seriously, I am beginning to doubt your competence, even in this simple matter. Tell me you have made at least a little progress?

*The editor has found several drafts of this letter, written on silk table napkins, in the effects of the late Emperor Palpatine. For the sake of the narrative, these drafts are not provided, but several of them make great mention of the sand of Tatooine and its relation to Senator Amidala. 

Date: 2011-02-20 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wyncatastrophe.livejournal.com
*gigglesnort*

Date: 2011-02-20 04:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
That's Palpatine's reaction too. :)

Date: 2011-02-20 04:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wyncatastrophe.livejournal.com
Even though my car tag says "Sith Lord," I don't think anyone has ever accused me of any actual similarities before ...

Date: 2011-02-20 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
*grins* The slippery slope to the Dark Side, eh?

Date: 2011-02-20 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noctaval.livejournal.com
OMG AWESOME HAHAHAHA brb dying >_>;;;

Date: 2011-02-20 06:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
LOL, THANK YOU! It was great fun to write. Are you okay, though? ;)

Date: 2011-02-20 03:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noctaval.livejournal.com
*revives, sputtering* I'm good, I'm good~

Date: 2011-02-20 05:51 am (UTC)
ext_25678: (padmenotbright)
From: [identity profile] pronker.livejournal.com
Masterfully written, as usual. This really got me: I am like a deity, receiving the opposing wishes of blind mortals and not altering my decrees one whit. The ultimate power, that's his way of thinking about himself --- brrrrrr!!

Date: 2011-02-20 06:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
I've tried to keep the language the same, or similar to the actual novel. That's actually a quote from Les Liaisons Dangereuses! It's how the Marquise (the character Palpatine plays in this crossover) thinks of herself. There's a reason I've cast Palpatine in her shoes! Remoulding her as Palpatine actually makes a lot of her quotes a lot scarier than they already are. Because the Marquise de Merteuil was limited in her schemes by being a woman of her era, whereas Palpatine has the whole galaxy to play with... ^_^

Date: 2011-02-20 07:00 am (UTC)
ext_25678: (strawberrystuds)
From: [identity profile] pronker.livejournal.com
has the whole galaxy to play with... ^_^

And he is such a playful boy ...

Date: 2011-02-20 07:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
And he is such a playful boy ...

That image, with that icon is making me go all squiggly inside! *_*

I've half a mind ...

Date: 2011-02-20 08:14 am (UTC)
ext_25678: (strawberrystuds)
From: [identity profile] pronker.livejournal.com
... okay, a quarter mind, to think of the icon as Master Skywalker *though that may not be H.C.* and the Strawberry Man as Mr. S.Chan.Palpatine, who has used the GFFA's version of a hologram generator to make himself look younger ...

Re: I've half a mind ...

Date: 2011-02-20 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
I'd definitely read that fanfiction! *swoons* Mmmm... strawberries...! XD

Date: 2011-02-20 11:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darth-eldritch.livejournal.com
I LOVE these!!!!

Absolutely scrumptious!!!

Date: 2011-02-20 11:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansketil-rose.livejournal.com
Hehehe! Thank you! They're great fun to write! Palpatine is having a ball of a time meddling with the lives of others! ^_^

Date: 2011-02-20 12:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darth-eldritch.livejournal.com
And he is sooooo good at it. It must be addictive!

Date: 2011-02-20 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-little-owl.livejournal.com
Ah, more letters! I suppose I read them with the same glee how they were written by the bad, bad Chancellor ;>)
And I'm really curious if there's going to be more Dooku / Obi-Wan interaction.

Date: 2011-02-21 06:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] donahermurphy.livejournal.com
oh, too funny. I love this one. For some reason I keep imagining the canon character's faces when presented with proof of "an alternate universe where everyone writes more"

Poor Anakin. And Ob-Wan's totally hoodwinked. EEEVIL Palpatine. Padme seems to be the only one acting with any sort of sense right now. :D

Date: 2011-10-28 01:26 am (UTC)
ext_11399: (Default)
From: [identity profile] kittenmommy.livejournal.com

Oh God. As I was reading Anakin's letter to Padmé, I thought, I can't imagine Anakin coming up with this stuff! and then when it was revealed that Palpatine helped him write it... ahh hahaha! Perfect! :D

Date: 2011-10-29 02:35 pm (UTC)
ext_471285: (Default)
From: [identity profile] flywoman.livejournal.com
Hilarious! These characters work so well in the context of the other universe! Can't wait to see what happens in this legendary battle of amorality vs. innocence...
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